Courtly Love

Love as we think of it today is almost completely different than the love displayed by personages of the Medieval Era. I say almost because there was still homosexual and brotherly love, but romantic love as displayed today did not exist in the same form in Medieval Times.

Romantic love was deemed as "excessive meditation of the beauty of the opposite sex, " which can still happen today. But the underlying theme of a love relationship was, hard to believe, suffering.

At some point in a relationship, a jealousy must take place. This jealousy causes the jealous party to increase their love for their significant other because they wish for a relationship that is not being satisfied due to, perhaps, a third wheel in the relationship.

Typical procedure of courtly love also dictates that the girl play "hard to get." If a lover was easily won over, the love would not last because the difficulty of the task of obtaining that love was not hard. A more difficult task yields a more lasting prize.

Also, a romantic relationship entailed that the end of all actions ended with a thought of one's significant other. So if it wasn't enough to have to suffer for the relationship that they aren't happy with, one's mind was continually fettered with thoughts of love, distracting them from everyday routines.

Secrecy was also necessary in a successful relationship. When no one knows about a relationship, like Romeo and Juliet, both parties have common ground to share. And up until the death of both Romeo and Juliet, their love for each other did not dim.

Crazy as it seems, adulterous and premarital immoral relationships were sought after because they were a secretive relationship. Neither men nor women walked around the town declaring that they were adulterers, because the the women would be cruelly punished, and the man would be mutilated or killed in front of the woman. In other words, there was a serious danger in immoral relationships, and so people sought after it because of the fun involved with that danger.

It is also said that sexual appetite belonged to the woman. Man had lust, but the woman initiated such conduct. This was because the men were too chivalrous and respected the women enough to let them decide when such conduct was wanted.

Incidentally, marriage and love were almost never related. Marriages were arranged, and generally the two parties involved did not meet until they were betrothed. For this reason, suffering was common because the married couple did not always get along or love each other.

Which leads to one of the unhappy couple being jealous of the love life which they missed out on, having difficulty getting their true love to love them, thinking about them all the day long, keeping their love a secret, and then entering into an adulterous relationship because it is dangerous. So the cycle continues until the men are mutilated or killed, and the women are either sent away from their home, or made to walk around the town with their head shaved . Generally, the woman brought shame and dishonor on her house, and generally the husband could kill the male lover for the woman to see and the law would not care.

So be grateful things have changed, guys.

"Fornication and Adultery"

"Love, Marriage, Romance & Women"

"Medieval Love"